Book Review: Reluctant Guardian by Melissa J. Cunningham

Reluctant Guardian by Melissa J. Cunningham

Clean Teen Publishing © 2013

Kindle Edition

Urban Fiction

Reviewed by Leah

Reluctant Guardian on Amazon

***SPOILERS AND SWEARING BE HERE***

When I first read the prologue, I thought I was going to love this book.  For one brief moment, I thought this book was going to show everyone what it felt like to be suicidal.  To explore exactly how much you didn't want to feel anything anymore, while at the same time harboring the inability to feel anything at all.  That prologue gave me hope … which the rest of the book stole from me.

Summary:

Alisa Callahan is a sixteen-year-old girl who has survived a horrific childhood, only to be left alone.  Despite having a family that loves her, nothing can compare to the lives that were already lost.  With her grandmother gone and her best friend and fellow victim having died recently, she feels that she has nothing else to live for.  The pain caused by her past is as fresh and painful as if it happened yesterday.  Left without a comforting voice to guide her, Alisa decides it isn't worth it to live anymore.

She takes her own life.

An action that comes with a price.

The only way to atone for this sin is to help someone in a way that she couldn't help herself.  Assigned to Brecken Shaefer as a Guardian, Alisa naively believes that a few days will earn her an after-lifetime of peace and happiness with her grandmother and best friend in a place she cannot go.  That is until she actually meets Brecken.

Born with gifts of his own and a life that isn't all that great, Brecken wants nothing to do with another Guardian.  Least of all the smart-mouthed, irritating, goody-two-shoes Alisa.  He doesn't want anymore lectures or interference on how he does things.  The way he sees it, he's taking care of his family and anyone else who thinks differently can bite him.

Yet, despite their initial reactions to one another, the two are drawn together.  The relationship that forms causes far more complications than either of them anticipated.  There are consequences for every action, and they're about to figure that out the hard way.

Initial Reaction:

This is the kind of book that pisses off everyone who is/has ever been suicidal.  The feeling of hopelessness and disgust with yourself and everyone around you completely vanishes after the prologue.  This is not a book about a girl who committed suicide.  It is a love story about some stupid dead girl and an even stupider 'bad boy with a heart of gold.'  I regret ever picking up this book.

Characters:

Alisa is a spoiled, arrogant, ignorant little twat.  I would try to tone this down for a review, normally, but I can't.  This girl is the very definition of a naive moron.

Let me fill you in on depression a little bit, and thus what Alisa should probably be feeling at some fucking point throughout this story: you hate everything.  Yet, you loathe nothing like you loathe yourself.  Your lack and failure light up behind your eyes like neon signs and you're forced to see each mistake you've ever made with glaring clarity every single day.  You feel hopeless and useless in ways you didn't think a human being was capable of.  You look at the world around you and all of the obstacles standing in your way and you realize that you were never capable of changing a damn thing.  Your world is the way it is and you are powerless to do anything about it.  There is no hope.  Nothing to live for.  You're stuck between a rock and a hard place and there's nowhere to go.  It is the knowledge that your life is meaningless and nothing you do will have an affect on anyone or anything, so why should you bother?  At the same time, you want to be useful.  You want to prove you're not a waste of space so desperately that you become a nuisance to your family, friends, and anyone else who cares about you.  Yet, you can't make yourself get off that computer, or go out and have fun, or even drag yourself out of bed when no other obligation throws you into a panic attack over what must be done.  Depression is knowing that you mean nothing, and the world wouldn't care that you're gone.

Do you think, for one solitary second, that Alisa felt this way at all?

If you said no, you would be correct.  This girl is naive and stupid in all the worst of ways.  When she commits suicide, she has expectations of what death is going to be.  She pretty much demands that she be allowed to float around with her grandma and friend in chapter one.  When she learns that she can read minds, she is excited.  Death, apparently, has resolved all those years of psychological self-mutilation for her.

Yeah, I'm calling bullshit.  Especially when the world she arrives in is more conducive to making her depression stronger rather than weaker.  I mean, if you're expecting nothing but relief from all of the fucking pain, and you wind up with assignments and classwork, all within the realm of purgatory … yeah that's going to cure you all right.

Also, the reason for her so-called depression: she was molested as a child.  A fact that is literally dropped on us in a passing fashion.  No build up.  No lingering horror to plague the pretty little ghost.  Only one tiny hint in the prologue before we're ten chapters in and are hit with that fact like a brick to the face.

Alisa is a jackass to everyone around her, and especially to her charge.  Not that he's anything special … oh wait…

Brecken Shaefer is a special snowflake.  In the cosmic, angels hath no fury, kind of way.  He has gifts that allow him to hear and sometimes see his Guardians.  He's also got a healthy dose of 'I have to do everything myself, which is why I don't take my sisters to my aunt's, even though she could take much better care of them than I can' along with 'must steal to survive, even though I feel guilty about it every single time I break into someone's house.'  He was such a worthless character to read about.  I felt nothing for him, almost as if he were a cut and paste trope.  Actually, having read this months ago, I don't even remember him that well…  So we'll be moving on now.

Plot & Setting:

Otherwise known as: ridiculous & non-existent.

I know this was trying to make a new spin on the whole 'life after death' scenario, but damn did it fail.  Especially where the suicide came in.  If you want to read a decent book with a suicide-city type of portrayal, then read Sanctum by Sarah Fine instead.  It has a more realistic view of what depression can do to a person, and a grittier version of what suicide gets you in the afterlife.

The plot according to this book was a love story.  That's it.  Anything else happening around it was just fodder.  Everything that occurred within this novel was for the specific contrivance of having Alisa and Brecken fall in love.  Again: ridiculous.

The setting here failed at doing anything.  There are brief glimpses of a place Alisa isn't allowed to go to, a half-assed description of the place she's stuck in, a better description of the place she could wind up if she fails, and that's about it.  I don't even care enough to attempt remembering it.

Writing Style:

All telling, no showing.  Immature characters, especially for the themes touched upon.  Inability to decently handle the themes brought into the novel.  This author is not for me and I will not be reading any further works.

Overall Opinion:

I regret reading this book.  As someone intimately familiar with depression, suicidal thoughts, and the knowledge of what sexual abuse can do to a person, I am pissed off with the portrayals of any of these throughout this novel.  Everything was handled with such a cavalier attitude and none of it actually affected the characters who were supposedly consumed by it.  So no thanks.  Fuck this.  I'm done.

*Note to Authors*

If you are going to touch on any of these sensitive subjects, do them justice.  They are not a plot device or an excuse for why your character acts the way they do.  These are real conditions that do have real life damaging results.  Talk to anyone you know, and you will find out, because they are far more common than you think.  Then ask them what damage these conditions have done.

Now try and write a stupid love story where these are merely plot points.

Here's the Deal on Delta Characters

So, when broken down, all characters can essentially fall into two categories (which Leah kindly covered for us): Alphas and Betas.  To recap, Alphas are the strong, independent ones who will go for the things the want.  In contrast, Betas are the sidekick characters who are a bit quieter and think more of the consequences.  But there are so many more types of characterization than just independent versus sidekick.  Which brings us to today's topic: Deltas.

When compared to the idea that all characters fall into either the Alpha or Beta categories, Deltas fall into the Alphas.  So, what exactly are they?  What sets them apart from just being a flat-out Alpha, but instead gives them an entire sub-category of their own?  Well, to put it plainly, Alphas are inherently heroic, and Deltas and inherently villainous.  Obviously, there are shades of gray.  No good story/character would be complete without the realistic shades of gray that paint the every day world.  Making things black and white is boring, easy to see through, and just unrelatable.  Everyone, everything, everywhere has shades of gray.  Nothing and no one is full-on black or full-on white.  We're not 100% pure or 100% evil.  Both imply perfection, whether it be perfectly good or perfectly evil.  But shades of gray (not to reference that horrendous scum that is a shit stain on the literary and sexual world) are another topic for another day.

Thinking about some villains many of us may know, there's one sentence that makes or breaks whether a character is a Delta.  What is that sentence?  "They're just misunderstood."  Honestly, sometimes someone's motives can be seen as villainous, when truly, they are just misunderstood.  Best example I can think of?  Prince Zuko from the Avatar: The Last Airbender series.  Throughout the series, he has an incredible character arc.  Originally, the viewer is lead to believe that Zuko is a pretty dickish dude, whose only goal is to capture the avatar.  But then you realize it's not because he's Fire Nation scum, but because in trying to do the right thing, he was disfigured and banished by his own father, and all he wants to do is earn back the honor and love of his father and his nation.  It's not that he's a villain who wants to fuck shit up for other people.  He wants back what he lost for standing up for what was right.

On the other end of the spectrum is where we have a true Delta (and feel free to shudder with me when I mention her name): Delores Umbridge.  Honestly, what could she possibly gain for any of the shit she is doing?  She's fucked in the head.  She is literally the epitome of evil, skin-crawling, horrible bitches that even the most pure of heart person would probably want to set ablaze and then piss on her ashes.  True Delta material right there.  What the hell kind of justification does she even have?  She just goes around making everyone miserable for no fucking reason.  Nothing that she does to anyone seems to make any sense, and really only makes everyone want to buy tickets to watch her horrible, suffering death for all the money to their names.

And don't even get me started on the Lich from Adventure Time.  If you want the purest form of Delta, there you have it.  The Lich is literally the purest form of evil.  No wasting time, no putting on anything for show to be some glitzy, glamorous villain.  His goal is simple: the extinction of all life.  He will stop at nothing to get it, and doesn't waste time explaining plans or putting on these big, theatrical fights.  He goes to the basics of his plans and does what he needs to do in order to fuck everything up for everyone.  No good.  No redeeming qualities.  Literally the purest, most condensed form of evil.

Doing bad things doesn't necessarily make a Delta.  Everyone has flaws, and everyone makes mistakes.  Just because someone does something that seems like it could be villainous does not automatically make them a Delta.  Not every story has a Delta.

Deltas don't seem to have much reason behind some of their actions.  They aren't doing it for some greater reason (think characters such as the Robinhood-type, who might do some shitty things in order to good for others.  Those are not Deltas), and they kind of just seem to be a dick.  There's no greater understanding behind their motives.  Even if they have some redeeming qualities (because, let's face it, no villain is a good villain unless they have some sort of redeeming quality that adds some form of humanity to them) they are still generally an asshole overall, and you can't help but love to hate them.

That's what separates Deltas from generally dickish Alphas.  The dickish Alphas have some form of justification or greater good behind their asshole actions.  Whether it be to give to the poor or earn back something they lost, there is still some form of heroic inclination behind their choices.  The Deltas just seem to get some form of pleasure from being a genuine asshole.

Beta Characters: Where Would Our Alphas Be Without Them?

The title says it all.  Where would our Alphas be without their Betas?  These are the wonderful characters that support or chastise those spirited creatures which need it.  It is these beloved individuals that provide comic relief or direly needed reality checks when the situations call for it.  Most of all, they are there when you need them to be, for whatever reason.

As with our Alphas, Betas can also be done well … or not.  So there's a few things I require each Beta to be infused with before I crown them a worthy sidekick (or love interest, if the story leans that way).

*  The number one thing all Betas need to be sure of hitting that ultimate status is loyalty.  The kind of steadfast link to another individual that nothing in the world can come between.  It's the ultimate embodiment of open trust and honesty in another human being.  And it is the highest compliment one human can pay to another; to be so loyal that words or deeds would have to be of the fatal variety to break that bond.

*  This does not mean, however, that our Betas are blind to the faults of Alphas.  In fact, they are often the only ones honest enough to keep them in check.  While we love our Alphas for shamelessly spouting the truth to open someone else's eyes, sometimes they've got their own rose-colored glasses.  It is a Beta's duty to smash the glasses and peel back their eyelids.  Gently or not, as the situation requires.  A good Beta knows the needs of their Alpha and acts accordingly.

*  Which, of course, does mean that they sometimes lie when that is what is needed.  Sometimes an Alpha simply cannot accept the truth at a certain time.  It could break them, if it means that much.  Or, worse, it could confuse them enough to make a wrong decision.  Either way, a Beta is sometimes required to withhold pertinent information.  (My references in this post will be less obvious, so you are forgiven for not latching onto my sporadic train of thought.)

*  Most of all, a Beta needs to prove that s/he is trustworthy.  Alphas tend to keep their own counsel, this is true.  Yet, only a Beta can work their way into an Alpha's life with the surefire understanding that they will not screw anything up.  Each of our Alphas contain a dark cavern full of secrets (note the metaphor), and it is the job of Betas to keep said secrets when entrusted with them.

*  Of course, when chasing around a willful Alpha, it is also important for these characters to have their own determined set of boundaries.  There are some lines, after all, that should not be crossed.  And it is up to these beings to remind their Alphas of that when they become so passionate/obsessed that they overlook the most damning of things.

*  Which brings us to how honorable Betas are.  While I adore that Alphas will do whatever is necessary for their purpose, that is not the way of a good Beta.  These are the individuals that proceed with a keen eye on which images are portrayed to society.  They have their morals and ethics to guide them, even where such things fail an Alpha.  It is this type of behavior that sometimes saves them from succumbing to the same eccentricity of their friends and/or colleagues.

*  Now, there is one trait that I know is required of every Beta, though I don't like it much, and that is insecurity.  It's true.  As much as I would love to mentions some truly confident Betas, there is always at least one moment where they are insecure.  And it all boils down to one question for them: Am I worthy?  This, of course, can mean many things.  Are they worthy of their significant other?  The Alpha partner who has entrusted them with their darkest secrets?  Success?  Happiness?  Anything at all, really.  Betas have this humility that does not allow for them to rate themselves above others too highly--if at all.  And so they are often some of the most insecure individuals you will encounter.

*  Equally as prevalent in Betas is their tendency to be quiet individuals.  They do not need constant, superficial attention.  In fact, they'd rather do without.  The concentrated, sincere conversation of someone whose opinions and friendship they truly value are all they will ever need.  Other than that, attention is unnecessary.

*  None of this is as important as what a Beta is, however.  Combining each of these traits, it typically makes Betas awesome and invaluable partners.  That's what being a Beta is.  They are partners.  Supportive people who will do everything in their power to ensure success.  And that is why Alphas would be nothing without their Betas.


Well, I think that sums up most of what I think it takes to provide us with a good Beta.  Now we're going to wade into the thicker waters of something I'd like to dub the Beta Bitch.

*  The name says it all.  When done wrong, it is almost with the universal consistency of turning Betas into bitches.  You know exactly what I mean if you have ever accused a friend of being 'whipped' or seen another get shuffled into the Friend Zone.  These are the people that will literally do anything asked of them and allow themselves to be walked all over in an attempt to garner attention, gratitude, or appreciation of any kind.  These individuals are not real Betas, though they are desperately trying to be.

*  Also, Beta Bitches tend to be whine asses.  It's one thing to be friendzoned, it's quite another to go on bitching about it as if you have no reason for being there.  To a Beta Bitch, they don't seem to understand that concept.  These are the individuals that gripe on and on about 'nice guys finishing last'.  No, nice guys do not finish last.  They finish second.  (Hence the Beta part.)  If at any time, a person strikes up a melodrama about being too nice or too helpful and never being given a shot, chances are that it's not a real Beta.  It's just a Beta Bitch.

*  Beta Bitches are also wimps.  People have feelings.  People sometimes have contradictory feelings.  People express these feelings.  Unless you're a Beta Bitch.  In which case, you keep nodding, smiling, and holding it all in.  A good Beta knows to address an issue.  Beta Bitches go on to pretend there isn't one.

*  There is also the known fact that they are emotionally and physically weak in comparison to actual Betas.  These characters are emotionally stinted and are often portrayed as physically inept individuals (often by using a sports example/trope to exhibit their lack).  A sad but true fact for all the Beta Bitches out there: no one values weakness.  Which means, if you're too nice, whiny, or wimpy, you will have no one's respect.  (Yes, there is such a thing as being too nice.  Anyone who says different is lying to you.  Everyone is always suspicious about the 'too nice person' until they are satisfied that they have an ulterior motive, or become disgusted because they are clearly genuine and that bothers everyone who is not.  Sad but true fact here.)


So I don't really have more points here.  While good betas do exist, they are very hard to weed out when confronted with their awful doppelgängers.  Which is sad, because a decent lady or gentleman is exactly the arm-candy some Alphas need, or the partner a similar Beta is looking for.  Yet, for all those Beta Bitches whining about being in the Friend Zone, I have one more honest truth for you: Alphas don't often settle for Betas.  If you're being a whiny prick about a guy/girl not being into you despite all you do for them, chances are they're of the Alpha strain and you are not.  Which makes you unappealing.  Accept that fact and change your ways, so that you earn real Beta status and get yourself someone who appreciates that.

Now, to give you two brilliant examples of some true Betas.  The first of these is someone most people probably don't give due credit, but he was the first I thought of when it came to making this post.  And that is…

Alfred Pennyworth, the trusted butler and caretaker of the Wayne Estate in The Dark Knight Trilogy.  Again, my post has not been clear if you cannot draw direct parallels between every Beta thing that Alfred does for Bruce.  (Especially that lying where needed part, since that's what made me think of him in the first place.)  Despite the dangerous things Batman does in his spare time, he always comes home to a waiting and supportive Alfred--who isn't afraid to tell him when he's screwing up.  Which is what makes Alfred a superb and dignified Beta.

The other Beta I wish to list has been based off of Dr. Watson of the Sherlock Holmes novels.  Just as his Alpha best friend has been based off of the infamous detective himself.  This person is none other than Doctor James Wilson of the series House, M.D.  If you have never seen this particular series, then you will just have to take my word for it that Wilson is the most epic Beta in existence.  While he follows House's lead most of the time, he's quite adept at playing him at his own games.  (I can't say 'beating' since House will inevitably win in some unexpected but poignant way.)  Here is a Beta who isn't afraid to tell off his Alpha friend, because he knows it will help him eventually.  And that is the goal of most Betas: to leave those that come into their lives a better person when they leave.  For James Wilson, this is considered his supreme downfall by his best friend, but is that exact mentality that keeps them together for so long.  Because House proves to be the perfect pet project for any determined Beta.

Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending

Presented by: Warner Bros Pictures

Directors/Writers: Andy and Lana Wachowski

2015

Prominent Cast: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne

Genre: Action, Science Fiction

Reviewed by Leah

This is not a rage-review.  Nor is it a positive one.  The post you are about to read pertains nothing more than a review of a movie that was trying to do too many things at once, and failed at every turn.  Proceed with that knowledge fully ingrained.


Summary/Commentary:

Jupiter Jones is a nobody.  She cleans houses for a living while living with a loud, raucous family that wakes up at four in the morning every day.  (No thank you, not bloody likely!)  This is a girl with daddy issues and a 'I hate my life' complex.  (Can't blame her, she scrubs toilets for a living and wakes up at 4AM to do it.)

Desperate to come up with a lot of money in a short amount of time, Jupiter agrees to her idiot cousin's 'brilliant' idea of selling her eggs under a pseudonym.  (You know, those things used to create human life; often stored in ovaries?  Yeah, those eggs.)  It is during this procedure that she learns not everything in the universe is as she thought.  Namely: alien creatures ordered to ID her before euthanizing her.

Enter Channing Tatum (because I can't be bothered to remember what his character's name is, we're not using it).  The lycan-gene-spliced man on … flying jet boots.  (Really?  You actually thought this was a cool concept?)  As per usual in this sort of situation, he saves the girl in the hopes of taking her to the man who hired him.  (Mercenary turns hero, how classic.  Side note: how about a mercenary who loves their job and just acts like a mercenary?)

This is where we get some backstory--shortly followed by some Sean Bean.  About the three Abrasax heirs that own planets, some 'harvesting' process that everyone remains a little vague on, and about the extraordinary ability of bees to identify royalty.  (Or Abrasax royalty, at any rate.)

As it turns out, Jupiter Nobody Jones is the reincarnation of the murdered Abrasax queen, and therefore owns the entire planet of Earth.  This creates what we'll just call political tension within the Abrasax dynasty.  Especially with Balem Abrasax, who is the current title-holder of Earth.  As you can imagine, with a planet so rich in resources (Ha!  Not the kind you're thinking of.) there is a very lethal approach to how everyone handles Jupiter.  Good thing Channing Tatum is always there to save the day…


Review:

Okay, I am clearly not in the right mood to do this.  (Hence the commentary throughout my usually very 'professional' summaries.)  So I'm going to just leave this as the joke it is, and show you the notes I compiled in this very post about everything I wanted to talk about.  After perusing said list, I'm not sure there's actually much I need to elaborate on here.  But you be the judge:


Notes:

*  Insta-love that had no basis

*  Guy literally swooping in and saving girl all the fucking time

*  Naive as fuck girl

*  Unbelievable characters

*  Lots of potential, failed execution

*  Bad casting (really just Channing Tatum … maybe Mila Kunis)

*  Confusing plot

*  Unending action sequences; got to the point of redundancy

*  Damsel in fucking distress bullshittery

*  Awful dialogue



Granted, this is all the 'bad' things I could think about for the movie.  So let's look at a few good things, shall we?

*  Badass villains (Eddie Redmayne is absolutely convincing as an evil SOB, despite the awful lack of fleshing out of his character.)

*  Awesome graphics.  (It's space.  If there weren't good graphics to cover most of the rest of this mediocrity, no one would have bothered making this movie.)


Okay, that's a lot shorter than I even intended it.  (No, Channing Tatum being shirtless for a few scenes does not even make the cut.)

Moving on…  There are a few things that I actually do want to elaborate on, as I feel like this could actually have been a decent movie.  If some things were done differently.

Number one: trying to do too much, and failing at all of it.  What I mean by this is: this movie had an identity crisis from hell.  It wanted to be an action movie.  As a result, they drew out fight scenes so long I actually spaced out because all of my available fucks to give had run dry--we already know how it's going to turn out.  Then it wanted to be an adventure movie, with Jupiter Jones having to travel to other worlds and reclaim her birthright … blah, blah, blah.  Their failure in this regard was to give us irritating scenes that didn't even need to be in there, and add encounters with other characters that we don't even see the rest of the movie.  Of course this movie also tried to be a sci-fi as well.  How did they accomplish this?  Space + advanced technology + putting the entire planet in danger = sci-fi movie.  Well okay then…  And, of course, we can't forget the bloody fucking romance aspect.  Which, by the way, had the most ridiculous fucking dialogue of the entire damn plot.  It came out of nowhere and perpetuated into this ridiculous culmination of him always saving her and her falling in love with him.  Over the span of only a couple of days, mind you.  Not to mention he even told her that he only kept saving her life because he was a mercenary looking to cash in on her safe delivery.  *Shaking my head.*  Again: tried to do so much.  And failed.

Not really going into much more because I feel a lot of that is pretty self-explanatory.  So onto…


Character Portrayals:

Mila Kunis … I guess for the script she actually played the part of Jupiter Jones to perfection.  As a young woman with a boisterous family and lousy job … it was very believable.  When it got further along as the action progressed, however, she fell into the familiar DID trope.  Which, again, was all due to the writing and not her acting.  (For everyone who wants to point out her character's minimal chances of saving/helping herself, I will forever point out the fact that she pussed out and shot Balem in the leg.  While her life and family were in danger.  Uh-huh.  Not a standard Mary-Sue … how?)  As for the romance, it was 100% not believable.  There was no chemistry with her co-star and really no need for the romance at all.  So this felt incredibly forced as far as her performance went.

Eddie Redmayne was absolutely fantastic as Balem Abrasax.  Though his character was also written as nothing more than a caricature of a space-villain, he brought his absolute beastliness to the table and was the only person it was a pleasure watching for the duration of the movie.  I would have liked for his character to have more of a motive for his actions, but since greed is such a huge motivator, he was never an unrealistic character.  He is a businessman who knows how to get shit done … and will not tolerate failure.  Magnificent performance.

Channing Tatum … oi vey.  Wrong movie, dude.  Way wrong role.  Though I don't think his character could have been salvaged by anyone (again: romance ruined this movie) he just was not right for this part.  There was a severe lack of emotion for someone supposedly torn apart by a guilty conscience and a loneliness that mentally destroys others like him.  Not to mention that bullshit romance that didn't feel genuine in the slightest.  If CT's goal was in portraying his character as an emotionless soldier, that's about all he did right.  Of course, the writers didn't give him a lot to work with as far as development.  With all of the awful dialogue and just boring script, they really were banking on the action shots to win the audience over.  (See above to know just how that failed.)


Final Thoughts:

Mediocre.  Some good acting.  Redundant action scenes.  Some bad acting.  Cool graphics.  Failure at sustaining a stable plot arc.  Truth be told, I think I was more disappointed in this rather than outright disliking it.  It had so much potential … and then it had its identity crisis and it all went to shit.  Oh well, I never have to see it again.

Alpha Characters: What They Are and Are Not

Okay, so this is really random, I know.  This is a review site, so why am I commentating on characters?  Because I can, so sit back and pay attention.  I'm about to reveal a terribly important fact:

People.  Love.  Alpha.  Characters.

Not all people, mind you.  There really are some who love truly good, decent individuals, and there's nothing wrong with that.  I'm just not one of them.

Why?

Well, that's the question, isn't it?

Me and my best friend have hashed this out before, so I'm going to try and transfer as much of the pertinent conversation here as my memory allows.  This could take some rambling.

We're going to start with the most controversial of the Alpha characteristics, because it's the one I feel most strongly about:

*  I love that Alphas are almost universally unapologetic assholes.  Seriously.  Their upfront honesty and lack of fucks to give are what make me love them.  "Oh, I shot/stabbed/killed someone?  Well, they shouldn't have gotten in my fucking way."

*  Which, of course, ties in with how ruthless they are.  If there is someone in their way, I expect my Alphas to take them out.  I expect them to a) have clear, valid goals, and b) allow nothing to interfere with them.

I have said this before, and I will say it again: I will never respect a character who has a goal and does not do everything in their power to ensure it.  If it requires torturing/killing people, then that's what needs to happen and don't give me your moralistic bullshit when there are fucking deadlines.

(This same speech used in regards to manipulation.  Alphas are manipulative when they need to be.  And, again, they won't apologize for that fact.)

*  There's another sort of trait I demand from my Alphas that most people would probably disagree with: they better be selfish.

Humans, as a species, are inherently selfish beings.  Whether because we fucked up in the nurturing department, or just because it's a natural tendency coming from overbreeding and a survival of the fittest mentality, I don't care.  The fact is: we are selfish.

I am perfectly okay with being selfish.  Does that mean I am never nice to people or I don't sometimes go out of my way to be perfectly helpful for no reason?  No.  It just means: if I don't wanna, I'm not gonna.

Now, it sounds like I'm setting you up for a complete villain.  I'm not.  There will be lots of evidence of book/movie characters that are in a good guy role … if only because some evils can only be fought by another kind of evil.  (If you can't get that reference: get out.)

But really, every hero in every book/movie the world over has this one thing in common: they're selfish.  Oh, you think them saving the world is an act of selflessness?  No.  That's them trying to save their own ass.  But what if they sacrifice themselves?  That's because they want to save the people they love.  No one cares about doing the right thing without some personal motivation.  Even if they're not in the hero role for a loved one, it is because of their own personal image that they have chosen the side of good.  It is to stroke their own ego, or at least die a legendary person, or for the simple fact that they want to look back on their life and say they have always done the right thing.  Everything is personal.

My unapologetic, selfish, ruthless Alphas know this.  And they revel in that fact.  As do I.

*  There's also this sense of recklessness that I've noticed most Alphas have.  And while normally I cannot condone recklessness in itself, in Alphas it usually comes across as fearlessness.  It means that they usually take unnecessary risks, but they do so for their own reasons.  While it may not be apparent why they are doing what they are doing, they're not truly as thoughtless as you would think.  (Most of the time.)

*  Of course, that same attitude is what gives us their crowning glory: confidence.  The way I see it, there's a reason people identify with an insecure MC: because most people are terribly insecure.  And the reason we love Alphas so much is because they lack that.  They're fully confident in their abilities and they don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.  Everything they do, they do without a doubt that they can/will succeed.  Whether it's escaping prison or rescuing a few survivors from some truly maniacal beasties.  (Again, if that flew over your head, you need to leave.)

*  Perhaps the most beloved feature of a truly well-done Alpha, however, is their sense of being pure animals.  These creatures are just that: beasts.  There are very simple rules in their world, and very drastic consequences for breaking them.

Rule #1: Don't try to kill them.  Consequence: Death.

Rule #2: Don't betray them.  Consequence: Death.

Do you see where I'm going with this?  The rules are simple.  The consequences predictable.  It is almost always about literal survival for them.


Now, there are some traits typically associated with Alpha Characters that give them a bad rep.  This is not the fault of a character being called an "Alpha" but the creator's inability to convincingly portray an Alpha.  We're going to touch on them a bit, and I'm going to bitch about how unacceptable each of them are.  From now on, these will be known as the traits of an Alpha Asshole.

*  The first of these no-no traits is disrespect.  This trait is twisted from our unapologetic but honest Alphas.  What good creators use to show that a character is brutally honest--even to the point of hurting feelings--bad creators turn on its head and create a complete asshole.  Real Alphas point out flaws in order to help a character either toughen up or at least get a reality check.  Alpha Assholes, on the other hand, typically are just jerks with an attitude problem.  They come across as insecure little shits that need an ass-whooping in the worst way.

*  Stalking has to be on the list, because this is just wrong on every level.  I'm going to emphasis this over and over again: stalking is frightening!  And I abhor characters that think entering someone's personal space without permission is at all okay.  This is not some depraved way to show a character that you care about them and want to know everything about them.  This is a fucking crime.

*  As is sexual harassment and assault, but that doesn't stop creators from making Alpha Assholes use these instances to intimidate and harm other characters.  I don't know why creators think that a convincing Alpha would do anything of the kind.  Here's a hint: real Alphas have the confidence of Gods and egos that won't allow them to harm an individual in that way.  Why?  Because they want others to come to them, begging for their attention.  It's a manipulative, unapologetic thrill.

*  Of course, the most common Alpha Asshole trait that is making the rounds in many NA books is over-the-top jealousy.  I remember reading this one review that described a bar scene: random guy starts chatting up the female MC, and her boyfriend shows up out of nowhere and starts beating his ass.  The MC's response?  "I was right there!"  (I'm paraphrasing of course, and haven't read the book described since said review saved me from the awfulness of it.)  But seriously?  One: that is the MC's reaction for the Asshole Alpha beating up a stranger for no reason?  Two: Seriously?  They were just talking!

Anyway, point being, REAL ALPHAS HAVE THE CONFIDENCE OF GODS!  They have no real need to be jealous.  (Unless another real Alpha serves as competition.  And then that's how they handle them: as competition.  Not a threat.)  If anyone portrays any character as a jealous, possessive jackass, that is not an Alpha.

*  Which brings me to yet another no-no: possessiveness.  Alpha Assholes have a tendency of looking at their significant other as a piece of property.  This is what leads to stalking and sexual assault.

Let me make a point: Alpha Assholes are not real men.  They're tyrannical little boys with anger issues.


To give you some perfect examples of awesome Alphas, we're going to look at only two characters, because this post is too long already.  (Although I have about 3 others that I could hurl at you right now.)  Both of these wonderful creatures come from the already hinted at (and if you didn't get them, I am so disappointed in you and you should not be reading this post) The Chronicles of Riddick.

Riddick is the epitome of an Alpha Male.  Is he a murderer?  Yes.  A liar, thief, and manipulative bastard?  Yes.  Does anyone who has seen any of the movies (we're not counting that animated atrocity) not love him?

If I have to explain why he is the epitome of a real Alpha Male, then I have not made my post clear at all.  This man is a literal beast.  His world is simple: kill or be killed.  (Let's face it, that really is Riddick's life.)  And he's pretty damn good at the killing part.  What makes him so fantastic a character is the fact that he does not apologize for anything he has done.  He acknowledges and takes responsibility for everything he has done, but it has never stopped him.  The reason I respect him is because he goes full-tilt, one hundred percent on everything he does.  From leaving human bait for monsters, to breaking his mini-me out of prison.  And he does not apologize for what he is and what he does because he is an animal and he's doing what he has to in order to survive.

For this next part, I was going to write about Kyra, Riddick's mini-me.  But I can't.  Because, for all her attitude, she does not have all the qualities of an Alpha, and her level of recklessness almost puts her ass on the Alpha Asshole list.

No, the real Alpha Female of CoR is Dame Vaako.  This is the beautiful woman who lures Riddick before the Quasi-Deads.  The woman who manipulates her husband into believing that killing the Lord Marshal is a selfless act for the faith.  If anyone in this movie embodies what it means to be an Alpha Female, it is Dame Vaako.  She has her goals, she has her motives, and she has her methods.  And she's willing to do anything to see them through.  This is a woman who has her priorities straight.

Well, since this post is too damn long already, I guess I can wrap it.  Now you know the difference between a real Alpha and an Alpha Asshole.  And, to be quite honest, confidence is literally the sexiest thing ever.  As long as you are confident in yourself and your choices and actions, that is sexy.  To create a character that embodies that, is to create an Alpha.  Hands down.