Book Review: Descendant by Nichole Giles

Descendant by Nichole Giles

Jelly Bean Press © 2013

Kindle Edition

YA Romance

Reviewed by Leah

Descendant on Amazon

I remember downloading this on a day when it was free.  Thought: you know what, it looks decent so I'll give it a shot.

I wanted to like this.  Really, I did.  Alas, it was not meant to be.

Summary:

Abigail Johnson is considered Gifted, but it's more like a curse.  A Healer who has never healed another person who also has visions of the past that somehow passes for Sight, she's a bit of a mess.  That doesn't change when she moves to Jackson, Wyoming.  Suddenly, it seems as if destiny has led her directly to this place and time, where Gifted wander around in groups, and the local heartthrob has eyes only for her.

But Jackson isn't safe for everyone, and Abby especially has a few new problems to work out.  Along with Kye--the boy she feels she's known forever, yet only a day--she must take on a mission from the Fairy Queen.  A mission that reveals the past, layer by layer, and threatens the future with each passing second.


Initial Thoughts:

I really had no initial thoughts for this one.  I got it for free without doing more than skimming the blurb--or maybe that instalove wouldn't have hit me so hard--and just decided that it was time to read it. For the beginning, I got through it without too much eye-rolling, but then it declined and by the end, I was swearing a lot more than I should have been.


Writing Style:

I have to start with this one, because I feel it will set the premise for the rest of the not-so-good review.  In a single word: immature.  None of the characters were fleshed out, at all.  Everyone was a one dimensional caricature of something that existed before.  Though nothing was worse than the absolute lack of detail concerning the villains.  They were there because they needed to be, but they had no motives or thoughts or codes of their own beyond the basest forms of depravity that the author could give them.  More or less, they are the shadows in the night that your mind forms into a bogey man … but is still a shadow; meaning it lacks any substantiality.  This, for me, was the most unforgivable aspect of the book.  It was bad enough having walk-in secondary characters, but to have shadows for villains was unacceptable.


Plot & Setting:

I liked the general idea of the plot.  Where Abby slowly discovers what the visions mean and has to deal with those as they come while revealing the past to herself and others.  That aspect of it was cool and intriguing.

Yet, it had no bearing on the actual plot.  In fact, the story itself was all over the place.  I understand that these two teenagers are out to save the world … but they need several distractions from that very thing.  And instead of making sure they lay low and stay safe after getting the things they need, they expose themselves at every opportunity to danger.  It was maddening.  While, at other times, we waste pages and pages on their lackluster (more obsessive than endearing) love story while they flounce around NYC like a couple of dumb tourists.  It was maddening.

As far as the setting goes, I don't even feel like going into it.  Suffice it to say: lack of descriptions.  Though I'm usually okay with this--and it didn't really bother me this time--I still have to chalk this up to my less-than-acceptable reading experience.


Characters:

Oi vey.  I hated them all.  (Here there be SPOILERS.  You are FOREWARNED.)

Abby was the innocent.  She was naive, ignorant, and an emotionally stunted pain in the ass.  She is very much the definition of TSTL (Too Stupid To Live).  There were so many times in which I was praying for the villains to kill her.  (Except they would have to be competent in order to do anything at all.  More on them later.)  Abby was the number one reason I began to loathe this book.

Kye wasn't much better.  Like Abby, he is nothing more than a caricature of his role.  He's made out to be the gorgeous, noble princeling-type who happens to have a heart of gold that allows him to communicate with animals.  Gag me.  Mister Perfect meets I Wish I Had A Brain.  For some reason, he has skills and equipment that no teenager would normally have and he works for the Fairy Queen.  He saves the world constantly and knows that nobody will ever know about it.  But he's okay with that because he's good for the sake of being good.  Again: gag me.  He was unrealistic, ridiculous, and almost as innocent as Abby--though there were some innuendoes dropped by other characters to make him seem like a "player".  (Please, this baby boy doesn't know the meaning of the word.)

All Side Characters were walk-ins only.  They served their purposes to very minimal degrees and were asked to exit the stage immediately so that the main leads could have more time to make kissy faces, disturbingly quick declarations, and realize all their potential as true loves.  Nothing else mattered in this book at all.  Especially other characters.

All the Villains were in the same boat.  As previously stated, they were stick figures and place holders.  Meant to do and say despicable things to Abby, but without ever actually succeeding in doing anything at all.  They were incompetent, ignorant, and useless.  And the main bad guy was just so ridiculous that reading his dialogue made me want to gouge my eyes out.  It was truly horrendous at the end there.


Overall Opinion:

I can't even.  I'm so happy to be done with this and moving on to another book.  Either the books in YA are getting worse and worse, or I'm just outgrowing them more and more.  One way or the other, I still don't think this book would make anyone's cut.  But that's just my opinion.  You know, the only one that matters to me.

Book Review: Nora and Kettle by Lauren Nicolle Taylor

Nora and Kettle by Lauren Nicolle Taylor

*I received an Advanced Copy due to pre-publication.*

Kindle Edition

Historical Fiction
Reviewed by Leah

Nora and Kettle on GoodReads

This post is going to be different.  And it's going to contain a lot of emotional experiences I've been through and a really personal look into my life.  If you're not willing to be confronted with those facts, or you at all feel uncomfortable with that idea, please don't hesitate to go read a more upbeat, less emotional review.

Because the truth of it is, this book handled very hard issues in a way that was so realistic that it just about destroyed me.

Summary:

Nora Deere was raised to be the classical upper class girl.  Her father is a respected Civil Rights Attorney.  Her mother a beautiful and wealthy lady.  And a little sister who, despite her deafness, is all wildness and enthusiasm for whatever little things life throws her way.

It is all a lie.

Her father is a monster.  And somehow she has to find the strength to be the shield for her sister when her mother's life slips away.  But when things reach their breaking point, there's nothing left but the hysteria.

Kettle is a King.  Co-founder of a band of kids known to be "Lost" who are really just unwanted, forgotten, or left to the streets.  Between him and his brother, Kin, they created the Kings of the subway, and they keep the kids alive as much as possible.  They don't steal and they don't cause problems, and they are free.  Working hard to maintain that freedom, Kettle still has his own personal demons to overcome.

When Kettle chooses to sleep in the alley beneath Nora's window, it will pull the tethers of their lives ever closer until they're faced with challenges and hopes they never knew could exist.

Review:

I've heard that smell is the stronger sense.  The one that can coax memories from a hazy brain.  For me, it's sounds.  Sounds wrap around my throat and strangle me.  Sounds warn like a foghorn in the night.

~ Nora and Kettle by Lauren Nicolle Taylor ~

I know this feeling.  All too well.  The terror that chokes you every time he enters the room.  The tension straightening your back and tightening every muscle in your body, because you know that for whatever order he gives, you'll have to react fast.  The absolute awareness of your surroundings even during something so innocent as a night of watching TV.  Every sound is catalogued and identified.  From the creaks in the floor with every heavy step he takes, to the groaning of his chair as he gets settled.  The snap of his fingers as he demands a refill, ordering about whichever kid is closest.  His voice as he speaks above us to the only person he considers on his level, my mom.  The rest of us keeping our eyes trained on the television, except for those few furtive glances we make excuses for in order to gauge his mood.

I know this terror.  I lived with it for nearly fifteen years.  The hatred, I know better.  And my father wasn't nearly as bad as Nora's.

You see, I was hit, but never beaten.  And it was always as a result of what he'd decided was an actual transgression.  My dad didn't just decide that he needed to take out his anger on someone.  He didn't just decide that his children were walking punching bags, best suited for expelling his rage.  And he definitely never hated any one of us.

Many people tell me that my dad was a great man.  Most days, I just shrug it off because it's not worth it to puncture that perfect image they have left of the man.  But I knew the asshole and I knew his anger issues and I knew his flaws better than any other being.  I knew what it was to have no room left in my soul to fear anything else, because I lived in a constant state of terror of him.  And before I was above the age of six, I knew what it was to hate.

I know Nora's terror.  And despite the fact that our circumstances are nowhere near similar, that emotion is still as raw and real for me as it is for her.

I also know her confusion.  Why can't she just let him go?  Why does she make everything about him?  How could she let him have so much control over her life, even when he's not around?  How was it fair to see the good in him and know it exists, but have every interaction with him confirm why she hates him?

I've also never gotten any of these answers.  Maybe it has something to do with the damage inflicted.  When you're exposed to something like that for so long, it's scarring upon scarring upon scarring.  Until your body feels more like it's made of scar tissue than muscle.  Well, that's what happens to our minds.  We fixate on why they can't be better.  Why they can't control their anger and rage.  And why we had to be the targets.  Why did we have to suffer for it?

People like to say that every girl has daddy issues.  Well, in my case, it's true.  And those are issues that will remain unresolved because, at fifteen, my darkest wish was finally answered: he died.

I thought I hated him before…  Leaving my mother like that, at a time when things were finally turning for the better ... nothing could make me hate him more.

As I said in the beginning of this review, this was very emotional for me as I read through Nora's narrative.  I also often describe it as "destroying me."  And it was at that point that I quoted above that I almost burst into tears at work, because it so accurately described how I'd lived my entire childhood.

This, my friends, is the mark of a truly skillful author.  One who evokes the emotions necessary to the situation.  If you're lucky to have never experienced anything like this firsthand, you will once you read this.  And if you have … consider this review your trigger warning.

I've read several of Ms. Taylor's books before, and always knew that I had to be emotionally prepared before going in.  This … I needed to prepare better for this.  I've read other books that feature some abuse in several forms.  Never have I read anything that brings back that many memories.

Despite what this sounds like, this is actually a very positive review.  When a writer has that power to evoke so many emotions and memories from me, I have to give them every praise the situation demands.  Heart-wrenching as this was to read, I am eternally grateful that I had the opportunity to read Nora and Kettle.

And, to be honest, Kettle hasn't had it easy either.  In fact, he's been in Nora's situation--but with a lot less money--and he's been in a Japanese American internment camp.  And while I also connected with Kettle, and actually liked him better as a narrator, it was my emotional solidarity with Nora that really hit me.

But Kettle is such a great character to get to know.  His realism stands as a stark contrast to Nora's daydreaming.  Though his memories have a tendency to swallow him whole, he uses them as a reminder of what he's been through, and how much things have grown better for him.  Truthfully, without Kettle's mindset, I don't know how much of Nora I could have taken.  Because as much as I identified with her situation, I could still see that she sounded nowhere near an eighteen year old girl.  Especially when it came to her spacing out in a daydream instead of being focused on the very critical present.

All in all, this is the story of two broken people who are trying to learn how to stitch themselves back together while looking after the ones they care about.  And maybe learning to let someone else in long enough to help with the healing.

Book Review: Secrets In The Shadows by T.L. Haddix

Secrets In The Shadows by T.L. Haddix

Streetlight Graphics Publishing © 2010

Kindle Edition

Contemporary Graphic Fiction

Reviewed by Leah

Secrets In The Shadows on Amazon

This book contains graphic material in the form of incest and sexual assault, with a direct focus on the victims as opposed to the actual abuse.  Reader discretion is advised.

Also, this review contains untagged SPOILERS.  You are forewarned.

Summary:

Lauren Taylor Grant has not had it easy.  An incident at the age of sixteen has helped set the groundwork for the rest of her life decisions, but she does not allow it to rule her anymore.  After a failed marriage at a young age, Lauren is blessed with a wonderful little girl and an ex-husband who she was glad to rekindle a friendship with.  Her parents are present and a vital part of her life and support system, as well as her many friends and coworkers in the small town of Leroy, Indiana.

But the past has a way of coming back to haunt.  When an old nightmare resurfaces in the area, it is all Lauren can do to cling to her sanity, and the life she has made.  Her parents' new neighbor, Charlie Clark, adds a new kind of support in this situation.  Just when Lauren thinks might just pass her by, her business is vandalized and another local woman winds up murdered.

It doesn't take long for everyone to realize that this is personal, and it all revolves around two girls and one summer thirteen years ago.  The summer Margie Vernon disappeared.

Characters:

Margie Vernon was a seventeen year old with the most perverted chip on her shoulder ever: she was her daddy's plaything.  As a girl with a dream of becoming a teacher, she knew to keep quiet about her ambitions and not make waves, since her parents didn't think a daughter was worth anything other than wife material.  Those ambitions were all ripped to shreds a few months after she turned sixteen and Carl Vernon decided he'd waited long enough to have her.  It left the young teenager with one ambition left: escape.  And she was willing to do any heinous thing that allowed her the chance to run.  Even betray her best friend.

Lauren Taylor Grant is a grown woman with a nice business, beautiful daughter, friendly ex-husband, incredibly supportive parents, and a dark mark in her past that she just can't escape.  The night Margie Vernon stole her car and money was the night her uncle, Carl, tried to rape her.  And all she has to thank for saving herself from that fate is the laced milkshake she poured down the drain.  But the memories are still there, and her confidence in herself isn't always what she hopes it was.

Despite that, Lauren has a good life for herself.  She has a wonderful support group of friends and family, and a life she truly enjoys.  Of course, the entire town is still under the impression that she is missing a man to complete the perfect picture.  And while she's none too short of admirers, it's her parents' new neighbor, Charlie Clark, who evokes the lust that has long been wanting in her relationships.  And when his kindness, patience, and understanding are revealed, it doesn't take long for it to grow into a steady, heady kind of love.  They just … spark.

To be real, Lauren has her demons, but she deals with them.  This is a woman who has been through some rough shit and gets back on her feet every time.  She's strong-willed, but is perfectly willing to accept the help she needs.  Not too proud, but not a doormat, she is a decent enough character to hang around with.  (I still liked her parents better.)

*Not going into a lot of characters here, because there was just too damn many.  Suffice it to say: everyone has their scars, their vices, and a lot of virtues to go around.  And believe me, all of the Leroy town gossip will give you plenty to know about everyone.  Now, how much you actually get to know them…  That's a different story.*

Plot & Setting:

Small town in Indiana.  Yep, I can believe it.  Why?  Because all these people do is gossip and try to play match-maker.  Are you freaking serious?  Since I've never been to Indiana, I can't even tell if this is an accurate portrayal.  But I really hope not, for the sake of people living in small towns anywhere.

The plot--what there was of it--was all over the damn place.  This is mostly due to the free-hand head-hopping that goes on.  So that several characters literally take you all over the damn place.

From the publisher-provided blurb, a reader might deduce that there is a murder mystery within this book and that is the focus of the story.  The blurb is lying.  What you get in this novel is nothing short of some personal demons and the activities of a small town.  That's it.  There is also a slow-moving romance that I was fairly okay with, but was so obvious in its occurrence that you have literally no surprises here.  And I mean that.  In this entire book, the reader is given a snapshot into everything through the various forms of narration that you are not at all surprised when things happen.  Which, for me, did not lead to an enjoyable reading experience.

Writing Style:

I hated it.  And I should have loved it.

My favorite style to read is Third Person Limited.  This means you are outside of the heads of the characters, but you sort of get one narrator at a time.  Unlike when you get what everyone is doing at once, it focuses on one person.

Well, technically speaking, that's exactly what this book was: Third Person Limited.  Well, I guess that means I should define the narrative style I love to Third Person Intimate, because TPL in this book did not allow me to connect to a single character.

It felt like all telling and no showing to me.  We didn't see anything through any of the characters' eyes, only were told how they interacted with their environment.  And that made for a jarring reading experience that I really didn't like.

Of course, what really got me as far as the writing was the head-hopping.  Too many narrators!  Every time I turned around, it seemed like, another insignificant person was taking the lead and taking us around on a daily routine that was both pointless and uninformative.  (Especially when the entire bloody town is more concerned with playing match-maker over everything else--including a murder.)  There was a lot of filler in here that just irritated.  Granted, I can see why some scenes were done that way, but all in all, there were several other ways to do it without introducing us to three more narrators that we couldn't give a crap about.

End rant.

Overall Opinion:

There are some books and readers who just do not gel.  This book and I did not gel.  Whether because of the head-hopping or the characters themselves, I'm not sure.  Neither did themselves any favors and the writing was very 'tell, not show' for me.  While I found it a solid 'okay' read, it wasn't anything that I'd like to reread.

But there were a few aspects of it that I liked, and this is probably going to be a bit of a spoiler (you're forewarned): Charity/Margie turned her life around.  Knowing what this type of abuse does to a person--especially in a private setting--I really loved that it showed the victim coming out of the experience more aware, with her own goals and dreams, and becoming an independent individual who is relatively normal, given the circumstances.  Charity is a far cry from the victim she once was, and that makes all the difference to someone who knows what incest/assault can do to the psyche of someone you love.

Another thing I have to admire this book for is that it doesn't shy away from giving you the cold hard facts.  Judging on my own small pool of knowledge, I'm sickened to say that I believe assault by family members happens a lot more often than society believes or even wants to admit.  But it does happen, and it is harmful.  It causes a lifetime of self-percieved inadequacies to build up in an individual, yet that doesn't mean they can't go on to have a completely normal life.  Which, perhaps, is why it does shock most people when they learn someone they've known for years was molested as a child, because they don't appear to be a stereotypical victim.  The weight of their experience, while lending heavily to the person they've become, has not controlled every aspect of their life.  People do break free of the 'victim stigma' and go on to lead lives that are relatively normal--even without therapy.

The thing this book does, though, is give you a look at only two separate possibilities as far reactions to this type of thing.  And I'm glad it did.  I'm glad that it shows you that certain people handle this in certain ways, and a lot of that has to do with the support system the victim experiences.  Whether their call for help is met with denial--which, sadly, it so often is--or whether they have the support of those around them and they get the help they need.  It is surprising how even the smallest things can have the biggest effect on a person, and sometimes the best help they receive occurs years after the abuse has stopped.  Basically, the realism of the subject matter are what really made me respect this book.

*Fun fact, I wrote all of this from end to beginning.*

Best and Worst of 2014

This is it, folks.  The very BEST and the very WORST that Vitality Reviews has come across in the year 2014.

To advertise more broadly, the best of these 'Gems' will be displayed prominently.  The 'Black List' will be posted at the bottom.  To hopefully stave off some of its infamy.


BOOK GEMS:

1.  Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews

2.  The Devil in Music by Kate Moss

3.  The House at Riverton by Kate Morton

4.  The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning


MOVIE GEMS:

1.  Maleficent 

2.  How To Train Your Dragon

3.  How To Train Your Dragon 2

4.  God's Not Dead

5.  Lockout


GAME GEMS:

1.  The Last Of Us

2.  FarCry 3

3.  Tomb Raider

4.  FarCry 4

5.  Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag



Now, onto…



THE BLACK LIST


BOOK BLACK LIST:

1.  The Bionics by Alicia Michaels

2.  The Eye of Tanub by M. E. Cunningham

3.  City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

4.  Allegiant by Veronica Roth


MOVIE BLACK LIST:

1.  Noah

2.  The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

3.  Hercules


GAME BLACK LIST:

1.  Final Fantasy VIII

Book Review: Eye of Tanub by M. E. Cunningham

The Eye Of Tanub by M. E. Cunningham

Clean Teen Publishing © 2014

Kindle Edition

Fantasy

Reviewed by Leah

The Eye of Tanub on Amazon

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Okay, so this is not going to be a normal review.  Everything's going to be short and condensed and separated into 'The Good' and 'The Bad'.  There really is no in-between here.

First of all, a brief Summary for you all:

Lauren Marriott is a fifteen year old model-wannabe.  When she finds her precious portfolio destroyed, therefore, the blame falls instantly on her fourteen year old brother, Zach.  In an attempt to hurt him like she has been hurt, she grabs the mysterious pendent from his desk and struggles over it with him.  Magic ensues.

All of a sudden, the pair are transported to a world that is completely unreal … unless you play the RPG 'Warlord'.  Then you know exactly where you are and how things are going to work.  Which Zach does--for the most part.

Anxious to return home, Lauren has to learn not to be such a snob and listen to what her brother has to say.  It may be the only thing keeping them alive.


The Good:

Throughout the first 58% of this book, I was decently entertained.  The chapters were short and easy to read and very simple--if it weren't intended for a younger scale audience, it might seem a bit immature (probably not the right word, but I'm going with it for now).  The world building could have used a little more work, but I was glad not to be bogged down with details.  And nothing has made me want to play Runescape again more than this book.  (Yes, I used to play Runescape.  My father, brother, and I were all addicted at some point and this book just almost revived that addiction.)

Honestly, I liked the fact that the siblings bickered and fought, as that made them seem more believable.  In the first half, all of Lauren's blunders made perfect sense, as she had no idea what she was supposed to do or how.  Her character was perfectly drawn as the stuck-up, arrogant, perfect little princess she thought of herself as.

I loved the idea of ending up in a computer game, almost Narnia style.  It was interesting to watch as Zach met his own character creations.  And you even felt bad for him when his created hero completely snubs him due to his noob level and lack of interesting qualities.

It was especially interesting to experience Lauren and Zach learning to like each other over time.  They each have their moments, to be sure--okay, LAUREN has her tantrums a lot--but they learn to deal in ways better than before.

Perhaps my favorite parts, however, involved the dryad priestess, Flitwicket.  Created by Zach, she's a great healer and isn't too bad in a fight.  She also acts like an older sister to Lauren, helping her to navigate this strange new world.  There is an aura of wisdom about her that makes her a soothing and comfortable character to read about.  And, she and Lauren had a decent female friendship without drama or stupidity ruining it.  For that, I am very grateful.

All in all, there was a lot of potential for this book.

Of course, that potential seemed to fly out the window at about 60%.


The Bad:

(Another warning before we get started, here is where the majority of spoilers come in, my rage-ranting reaches its peak, and profuse swearing abounds.  If you are uncomfortable with any/all of these things, please feel free to leave this review right now.)

Still with me?  Okay, here's the nitty-gritty of it…

A bit of a disclaimer before we start: this book was written with much younger readers in mind, I believe.  Like borderline thirteen, if not a bit younger.  This means that the writing was very simplistic and had a lot of telling and not showing moments.  That being the case, it's possible all of the rage I've been harboring throughout the second half of this book is simply because it's not my cup of tea.  Yes, this is my formal disclaimer.

Since I'm going to postpone the raging till the end (as much as possible) we'll start off slow.

First of all, why in the world does Zach call his RPG characters 'toons'?  I've played multiple RPGs.  Online and off.  Never in the world would any noob even call those characters 'toons'.  Not if they're over the age of six.  This, my friends, is completely unacceptable.

Then we have miss 'Lauren of Light'.  Gag me.  Hardly anyone in the whole freaking universe has a title, but this snob gets one?  Yes, because we just needed her to get more full of herself in a world where she's screwed up everything so far.  Including pissing off the Head Priestess--who gives her the bloody title for no flipping reason!

Another issue I have is the multiple narrators.  In the beginning we have Lauren in first person.  We have her for a while and I'd actually gotten used to her.  To the point where her selfishness wasn't as irritating as it would later prove to be.  Suddenly, it has to jump to Zach.  Cue sibling head hopping.  Then it does this odd thing where another character is the focus, but in third person.  Then it switches back and forth between these three for some time.  We get near the end, however, and it's a free-for-all between five of them!  Not cool.  Give me two at the most, but we get into higher numbers and I'm irritated.

My other pet-peeve was the lack of believability where it concerned Zach and Lauren.  While the bickering was typical sibling stuff, there was a catalyst in the beginning that really threw Lauren in a rage and made her want to physically harm him.  The worst of it is?  It's not believable.  Zachary has no motive to destroy his sister's portfolio.  He doesn't care one whit about it.  But the moment the damage is done, Lauren can blame no one else and so she jumps down his throat.  (Another side note pet peeve: who the hell actually destroyed it?  The book never says.)  To me this is entirely unbelievable.  I have a younger brother.  I've hated him most of his life and we only rarely feel love for one another.  I get that.  But I also know that he would never destroy something I valued so highly, UNLESS I provoked him in an unforgivable way.  (In which case, one of us would probably be printing off Missing Person posters whilst trying to conceal the mud on our sneakers after we dug a grave out back.)  So this opening catalyst to cause Lauren and Zachary to fight is a bit overdramatic and lacks any substantial credit to its case.  In short, a poor plot device used to spur on the story.

Zachary's narrative is also unrealistic.  I've had a fourteen year old brother.  I know how they talk.  How they think.  What they say.  And whether or not they actually cringe if someone *gasp* curses!  (No, they don't freaking cringe.  They've already said worse.  If you think your kid is an angel, go down another glass of wine while you're off in la-la land.)  Zach was nothing like a fourteen year old boy.  Not in his thoughts or his reactions to anything typical.  At best, he was a prepubescent boy; at worst, he was the heroine of a badly written YA novel who is supposed to be seventeen but acts twelve.

Speaking of not living up to her professed potential…  When Lauren is trained as a Priestess (which literally takes one quest and the gifting of new abilities by the Head Priestess) she is endowed with three wonderful blessings: primary healing, inner focus, and intelligence.  Excuse me, when the FUCK did she ever use the last two?!  I've seen selfish arrogance, does that count as inner focus?  How about happily riding a TIGER but thinking that the TIMBER WOLF looked more dangerous?  Since when does blatant ignorance fall under intelligence?  Oh, and that time you totally had a magic shield but instead got ate up by vampire rats?  That was fun, huh.  You bloody idiot.

From the 60% mark on down, I absolutely loathed Lauren.  As mentioned, she's a moron without a lick of common sense or true humility.  One minute she freaks out about how inappropriate it would be for her to be left alone with a guy … two seconds of insta-love hell later, she's engaged to him.  (Will rant about this in a little bit.)  Throughout the entire book, she never completes a whole character arc.  It doesn't even seem like she makes it half-way.  I mean, in books like this, you expect the MC to start off rough around the edges.  Then they grow and learn.  In this case, the reader was expecting selfish, arrogant, cruel Lauren to grow softer edges and maybe come to care about her brother in a natural, almost maternal sort of way.  I'd have been okay with at least one possessive line about him.  I wanted her to come to his defense because that is her little brother, and no one else is allowed to fuck with him.

I got none of that.  Instead, she remained pigheaded, arrogant, and selfish throughout the entire novel.  While she supposedly develops some real feelings for her brother, it shows very little in their relationship.  Instead, she's too damn busy becoming some silly little creature whilst wooing her brother's "toon".

*Deep Breath*

I feel the need to reiterate: Lauren is an idiot.  And she is the epitome of anything wrong with a female lead in a book.  She is not intelligent.  She is petty.  Selfish and cruel.  Beautiful but with a soul that could be worked into a wrought iron design.  And of all the travesties she could ever happen into, she falls into the most severe case of insta-love bullshittery that I've seen in a long time.

Worst of all, she falls in love with a hulking mass of a warrior character that--oh yeah!--her brother created!  And you wonder why Zach is all weirded out by you making kissy faces at the character he spent hours honing and shaping into the ultimate badass?  Mind you, this is the very same character you claimed to be "scary" in the beginning of the book and who was ignoring you like you were something to be stepped over not TWO pages before.  Seriously, their hands touch and they have feelings and that starts the whole damn landslide.  Next thing you know, they're smooching--another of Zach's unrealistic descriptions for his age--and professing their undying love.  The kind that makes it okay for a recently-turned-sixteen year old girl to agree to marry this hulking, nineteen year old life form who--trope of all tropes--used to be a player, until he met her.  Never mind that she can't stay in his world and all…  Where's the harm in letting this delusion play itself out?  Again: I hate Lauren after 60%.

This sham of a romance is what 100% ruined this book.  With such a solid foundation as having two siblings at odds being transported to a whole other world, there was so much promise in having to build up their relationship, after first tearing down the mistrust and dislike of each other.  It was a chance to have them evolve to the point where they could help each other, work together, and decide in what ways it was best for them to get home.  If the book had left out any stupid romantic inclinations, this would have been a great story for brothers and sisters to read together and learn a valuable lesson.  Instead it did … that.  *sigh*

Unfortunately, the two leads weren't alone in their utter stupidity and failure at being anyone worth while.  We also have Kalika, a drow Maverick who is supposed to be a complete badass.  She's not.  She hates herself for being weak and pathetic … but not often enough since she is both throughout every part I've seen her in.  Then there's Dardanos, the love of Lauren's entire five minute swooning spell.  Every time I think of him, I picture the big, hulking guy in the Disney movie "Brave".  The one that is all muscles and not much smarter than a rock.  Yes, that is literally who I picture every time I read about Dardanos.  Not some hot, sexy guy like Lauren sees.  He's not intelligent.  He's not polite or considerate.  Hell, the only time he's tolerant of Zach is when he's trying to make a good impression on Lauren.  Idiot.  And then there's Kirth, the pixie prince.  I actually liked him for probably 80% of the book.  But his own arrogance sort-of turned me off to him at the end there.

Hmm.  I think I've finally had done with my raging.  Other than the predictability of the plot and that ending that made me laugh at Lauren's pain, I don't think there's much else to mention.


Overall:

I didn't like this book.  I would not recommend this book to any of my friends, because they all hate the same things that I do.  I do suggest anyone reading this to judge it solely on your reading experience, and not mine.  (But do what you want.)

The saddest thing is, this could have easily been an okay book.  With more work and less Dardanos, this could have been a spectacular book.  Ah, the potential…  For the first half of this book, it was actually entertaining to read…  Then that last 40%…  Well, there's no going back and there's my review for you.  It just sucks that I couldn't enjoy this more.

Not My Responsibility

So I'm here again.  Not to review anything, exactly.  Rather, more or less, to educate people (or incense my many rabid followers, hardy har har) about what exactly a review is for.

Now, as I've said before, I love GoodReads.  I even adore and aspire to be as critical as some of the most reviled GoodReads "bullies" out there.  (And yes, even I admit that they tend to jump down someone's throat right quick when they comment things the major band don't agree with.  Yet, with some of the Trolls they've been through, not exactly sure I'd be very lenient either.)

This, of course, does not mean I encourage bullying or even would want to be as aggressive in the threads of my reviews as they have been.  In fact, my very worst reviews have never been written (see previous post: Bad Reviews).  All of which is beside the point when I give you the very straight fact:

I have every right to write the most vitriol, disgusting review on the planet … with no basis for it.

I do have that right.  I retain that right.  And to say that my review is meant for anything other than my own reminiscences later on is absolutely ludicrous.

My review is not for the creator's benefit.

My review isn't even for other consumers.

It is especially not meant as an instruction manual or a vanity script.

The only purpose of my review is to remind me what I thought of a product after experiencing it.  Either so I know to keep tabs on a wonderful author, or steer clear of one that whines like a spoiled child not yet taught to hold its tongue while the adults are speaking.

I suppose now you may be wondering why I am ranting about this … again.  (See: Opinions Reside Here)  Well, I was traversing that wonderful verse called GoodReads and came across a response that struck me as odd, rude, and utterly false.  Without naming any names, here is what the comment consisted of:

"I have no comment on your judgment regarding this book; whether you like it or not is irrelevant.  However, a review should provide useful information about a novel and a basis for determining its worth.  Your review is nothing more than a foul-mouthed rant which gives the reader neither.  Try using the intelligence you claim to possess in your next review"

I was first struck by that opening sentence.  My first thought: Excuse me?  Bitch say wha-?  How ignorant is this person that they think that whether or not a reviewer likes the product is irrelevant?  In a consumer-based society, whether or not you actually like something is all that matters!  And what possible consumer wants to look at a review and basically read another summary?  Because that's all this commenter believes to be acceptable as a review apparently.

Secondly, a review should provide the honest thoughts of the reviewer.  Anything else (quotes, memes, praise and criticism) is all extra padding.  A review could be three paragraphs, three pages, or a single sentence.  That still makes it a valid review.  Anyone who doesn't understand that has no business even reading them.

Lastly, if a foul-mouthed rant is called for, then by all means: unload the fucking barrel.

This person, like many others I've happened upon across the GRs universe, seems to be under the delusion that reviewers are under some form of obligation.  That it is our responsibility to give only clear, concise reviews that briefly highlight what the book is about, and whether or not we add our personal stamp of approval.

Some people are under the impression that it is a reviewer's responsibility to critique the works of others and give only constructive criticism in our reviews.

Many think we owe it to the public to leave only watered down versions of our passionate responses to these works within the public eye.  (Omitting, of course, all those "foul" words which so sting their delicate senses.)

Well, please allow me to remove the veil covering those sensitive eyes:

It's not my responsibility.

I am under no obligation, whatsoever, to write a review that merely offers constructive criticism.

It's not my intent to make my reviews G-rated so that those with their panties in a bunch may rest a little easier.

And it is certainly no help to anyone to simply restate a summary.  It quite defeats the purpose of a review, wouldn't you say?

Nothing in that comment can be considered accurate.  Why?  Because it is not our job as reviewers to do anything for the publishing industry, or even our fellow consumers.

It is not our responsibility to point out authors' triumphant points or their failures.  But we do.

It is not our responsibility to write reviews that are filled with direct quotes, criticize plot choices, mention errors in editing, or applaud astounding characters.  But we do.

It is not our responsibility to create reviews meant to be engaging and witty, or even filled with distaste and foul language.  But we do.

This thing that we do as reviewers … it is not a job.  It is not an obligation.  It is not our responsibility.

It is a choice.  Something that we decide to do whenever we bloody well feel like it.  And the results will be our honest thoughts and opinions.  Whether or not others wish to hear them.

So to say that a review is only meant for a certain reason … is complete rubbish.

There is only one reason to write a review: to remember how we felt about the subject.  To document our experience and to one day go back and look again at all the lives we have lived, be they full of greatness or sorrow.

Whether we can do that in a single sentence, a couple of paragraphs, or even a few pages … that's for us to decide.

But it is certainly not our responsibility.

Movie Review: Noah

Noah

Presented by: Paramount Pictures

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Writers: Darren Aronofsky, Ari Handel

2014

Prominent Cast: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins

Genre: Adventure, Drama

Reviewed By: Leah

*WARNING! RAGE-REVIEW!*

I'm not even a Christian, and this movie pissed me off!

Summary:

Noah is chosen by the Creator (not God) to save the innocent.  In a time of turmoil and wretchedness throughout the land, Noah and his sons are the last of Seth's line--the third son of Adam and Eve.  As such, his line is all that stands as protector over the Creator's lands against the horde of Cain's descendants.  Yet, as time drags on, there is work to be done and visions will lead Noah and his family on a long journey to find his grandfather, who might then help him to understand what it is he must do.

Along the way, they rescue a young girl after her entire family had been murdered and she severely wounded--leaving her unable to bear children.  Though both very young, it is almost instant the way she and Noah's eldest son are drawn to each other.

Answers brought about by visions, instead of through words, are what Noah acquires and the task of building the Ark becomes an obsession.  One in which the Watchers--Fallen Angels who had sought to aid Adam and Eve as they fled Eden--are eager to assist him in.

Of course, not all is peaceful.  As the Ark nears completion, and the animals begin to arrive, so, too, do the descendants of Cain reach their doorstep.  With them they bring fear, wickedness, and chaos.  But also a little hope--for two of Noah's sons remain without wives and the young woman he saved is not fit for his eldest because she is barren.

But the wickedness of men is all-consuming.  Noah knows that it lives in each of them, just as it lives in those the Creator means to destroy.  The beasts are the innocents.  And the race of Men must be extinguished.

Review:

I have never been this pissed off by a movie!  I've never seen a great, legendary tale like this one be so utterly butchered into non-existence.  This movie was so horrific, I would not wish it on the Westboro Baptist Church!  (And that is saying a lot!)

Let me reiterate something: I am not a Christian.  I am not Jewish, or Muslim, or any other religion that closely follows the Old Testament of the Bible.  My beliefs don't even exist in the same realm, okay.  Yet, I wanted to see "Noah".  I'm aware of the basic story and knew that, with the right devices and film techniques, this tale could be great.  There was so much potential at their fingertips with a story so bold and investing … and they pissed it all away.

To say that this movie is a loose adaptation is laughable.  There was no adaptation.  There was absolutely nothing similar to the original story.  Not a single thing.

There were creatures in here that were meant to be Fallen Angels who were punished for trying to help Adam and Eve.  They looked like they were in the wrong movie, having just sidled in from the latest "The Hobbit" adaptation.

The special effects were pathetic and the human story was lost in the greatest catastrophe of them all: Noah losing his bloody mind.

Now, I am a misanthrope.  To me, if the entirety of humanity ceased to exist, I wouldn't exactly weep over it.  Yet, this was not supposed to be Noah!  The savior of humankind, and the man who brought forth new life to a dying world.  It was not his job to be the cynic or to try and kill off his family!

Of all the things this movie has perverted with its connection to this original story, nothing is more sacrilegious than that.  They twisted Noah so completely that, by the end, you wanted his sons to kill him.  He was so determined to let them all die, so that the garden would never again be polluted by man, that he was willing to kill his infant granddaughters before their umbilical cords were cut.

Despicable.

That is the plot, ladies and gentleman.  It is less about the dualities of mankind than the witnessing of one man becoming everything he absolutely despises.  Becoming the very monster that was meant to be cleansed from the Earth.  That is all this movie is about and if you thought you would get a movie about what it meant to leave it all behind, to start fresh and new, to be alone and have only your loved ones to cling to, and to grasp onto every last ounce of faith you have in the hope that you might survive the utter devastation … then go watch anything else, because it'll still be a better representation of humanity than this movie will ever be.

Now, I know that the creators of this shamble have defended themselves with the fact that they are not theologians.  Nor was it their intention to ever truly adapt the story, but to create 'a compelling story.'  This is ludicrous.  As an avid movie-lover (which you will note when I get around to posting more and more reviews on this blog), I know a good, compelling, beautiful story when a film shows it to me.  This did nothing but make me turn up my nose and ask, "How could you possibly think this was going to be good?"

Character Portrayals:

I have nothing to say at this point.  I respect Russell Crowe as an actor and I grew up with Emma Watson.  I can lay no fault at the feet of this cast.  Their skills as entertainers are not under fire here.  For the roles they were given and the parts they were to play, they performed at their utmost brilliance.  I just wish they had all chosen a far less fatal project to be involved in.  This was a waste of their many, many talents and my heart aches for them all.

Final Thoughts:

I can't take this anymore.  Thinking about it longer than is necessary actually hurts my brain almost as much as if I were watching it again.  To reiterate my many extensive points: if you wanted anything similar to the Biblical tale, then don't watch this movie.  If you wanted anything entertaining, then don't watch this movie.  Should you, by any chance, wish for a movie that delves into the duality of the human nature, where wickedness and humility strive to live side by side in a single human being, well … I'm still waiting for a movie like that, actually.  Yet, it is definitely not "Noah".

Opinions Reside Here

You are forewarned: this is a site for my friends and I to share our opinions.  Our opinions.  As in: we get to post what we think.  Which means (and here's where I get confrontational), you have no right to be offended by anything that you read here.  And I'll tell you why:

An opinion is defined as a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Focus on that for me.  Just for a minute.

Okay, as living creatures, we all have opinions.  We have a fundamental right to think what we want about something.  Fact or fiction.  It's inevitable and we have the right to our own opinions.  We even have a right to express them.

Just remember: we also have a right to disagree.

No two people have the same exact opinion on anything.  And that's a good thing.  What kind of world would we live in if we were all the same?  Our opinions are allowed and encouraged to be different.  It is how we grow as human beings: by learning to look at differing opinions and finding a way to accept one another as separate and unique individuals.

You have the right to your opinion.  I have a right to mine.  We each have the right to disagree.

Simple right?

One catch…

You do not have the right to be offended by my opinion.  It's mine.  Meant for me and no other.  Based on experiences/emotions/beliefs/circumstances, or whatever other criteria I've chosen to base it on, that relate solely to me.

You're very much entitled to disagree.  I encourage this.  And we'll have a nice, long, grown-up discussion about the differences in our opinions.  There's nothing like a good, healthy debate.

However, I'm not going to tolerate individuals who think it's okay to get upset that I said/thought something they didn't like.  It's not your call if what I say or think is right or wrong.  And I'm certainly not going to allow you to think it is.

Now, you're probably asking yourself why I even bothered to post this long and confrontational missive.  Well, the reason is deplorably simple: reviewers are under attack.  Especially those who have shared harsh, truthful, sarcastic, or vitriol reviews.  Hell, even those who merely write a somewhat negative review have been pummeled into submission.

This will not happen here.  I won't allow it.  Because no one has the right to tell me that my thoughts/reactions/opinions are wrong.

Undoubtedly, I will write some 'unpopular' reviews here.  And while I welcome/relish comments, I won't be told that my opinions are wrong.  By anyone.

Hence the reason this is being posted right away.  To serve as a warning.