The Eye Of Tanub by M. E. Cunningham
Clean Teen Publishing © 2014
Kindle Edition
Fantasy
Reviewed by Leah
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
Okay, so this is not going to be a normal review. Everything's going to be short and condensed and separated into 'The Good' and 'The Bad'. There really is no in-between here.
First of all, a brief Summary for you all:
Lauren Marriott is a fifteen year old model-wannabe. When she finds her precious portfolio destroyed, therefore, the blame falls instantly on her fourteen year old brother, Zach. In an attempt to hurt him like she has been hurt, she grabs the mysterious pendent from his desk and struggles over it with him. Magic ensues.
All of a sudden, the pair are transported to a world that is completely unreal … unless you play the RPG 'Warlord'. Then you know exactly where you are and how things are going to work. Which Zach does--for the most part.
Anxious to return home, Lauren has to learn not to be such a snob and listen to what her brother has to say. It may be the only thing keeping them alive.
The Good:
Throughout the first 58% of this book, I was decently entertained. The chapters were short and easy to read and very simple--if it weren't intended for a younger scale audience, it might seem a bit immature (probably not the right word, but I'm going with it for now). The world building could have used a little more work, but I was glad not to be bogged down with details. And nothing has made me want to play Runescape again more than this book. (Yes, I used to play Runescape. My father, brother, and I were all addicted at some point and this book just almost revived that addiction.)
Honestly, I liked the fact that the siblings bickered and fought, as that made them seem more believable. In the first half, all of Lauren's blunders made perfect sense, as she had no idea what she was supposed to do or how. Her character was perfectly drawn as the stuck-up, arrogant, perfect little princess she thought of herself as.
I loved the idea of ending up in a computer game, almost Narnia style. It was interesting to watch as Zach met his own character creations. And you even felt bad for him when his created hero completely snubs him due to his noob level and lack of interesting qualities.
It was especially interesting to experience Lauren and Zach learning to like each other over time. They each have their moments, to be sure--okay, LAUREN has her tantrums a lot--but they learn to deal in ways better than before.
Perhaps my favorite parts, however, involved the dryad priestess, Flitwicket. Created by Zach, she's a great healer and isn't too bad in a fight. She also acts like an older sister to Lauren, helping her to navigate this strange new world. There is an aura of wisdom about her that makes her a soothing and comfortable character to read about. And, she and Lauren had a decent female friendship without drama or stupidity ruining it. For that, I am very grateful.
All in all, there was a lot of potential for this book.
Of course, that potential seemed to fly out the window at about 60%.
The Bad:
(Another warning before we get started, here is where the majority of spoilers come in, my rage-ranting reaches its peak, and profuse swearing abounds. If you are uncomfortable with any/all of these things, please feel free to leave this review right now.)
Still with me? Okay, here's the nitty-gritty of it…
A bit of a disclaimer before we start: this book was written with much younger readers in mind, I believe. Like borderline thirteen, if not a bit younger. This means that the writing was very simplistic and had a lot of telling and not showing moments. That being the case, it's possible all of the rage I've been harboring throughout the second half of this book is simply because it's not my cup of tea. Yes, this is my formal disclaimer.
Since I'm going to postpone the raging till the end (as much as possible) we'll start off slow.
First of all, why in the world does Zach call his RPG characters 'toons'? I've played multiple RPGs. Online and off. Never in the world would any noob even call those characters 'toons'. Not if they're over the age of six. This, my friends, is completely unacceptable.
Then we have miss 'Lauren of Light'. Gag me. Hardly anyone in the whole freaking universe has a title, but this snob gets one? Yes, because we just needed her to get more full of herself in a world where she's screwed up everything so far. Including pissing off the Head Priestess--who gives her the bloody title for no flipping reason!
Another issue I have is the multiple narrators. In the beginning we have Lauren in first person. We have her for a while and I'd actually gotten used to her. To the point where her selfishness wasn't as irritating as it would later prove to be. Suddenly, it has to jump to Zach. Cue sibling head hopping. Then it does this odd thing where another character is the focus, but in third person. Then it switches back and forth between these three for some time. We get near the end, however, and it's a free-for-all between five of them! Not cool. Give me two at the most, but we get into higher numbers and I'm irritated.
My other pet-peeve was the lack of believability where it concerned Zach and Lauren. While the bickering was typical sibling stuff, there was a catalyst in the beginning that really threw Lauren in a rage and made her want to physically harm him. The worst of it is? It's not believable. Zachary has no motive to destroy his sister's portfolio. He doesn't care one whit about it. But the moment the damage is done, Lauren can blame no one else and so she jumps down his throat. (Another side note pet peeve: who the hell actually destroyed it? The book never says.) To me this is entirely unbelievable. I have a younger brother. I've hated him most of his life and we only rarely feel love for one another. I get that. But I also know that he would never destroy something I valued so highly, UNLESS I provoked him in an unforgivable way. (In which case, one of us would probably be printing off Missing Person posters whilst trying to conceal the mud on our sneakers after we dug a grave out back.) So this opening catalyst to cause Lauren and Zachary to fight is a bit overdramatic and lacks any substantial credit to its case. In short, a poor plot device used to spur on the story.
Zachary's narrative is also unrealistic. I've had a fourteen year old brother. I know how they talk. How they think. What they say. And whether or not they actually cringe if someone *gasp* curses! (No, they don't freaking cringe. They've already said worse. If you think your kid is an angel, go down another glass of wine while you're off in la-la land.) Zach was nothing like a fourteen year old boy. Not in his thoughts or his reactions to anything typical. At best, he was a prepubescent boy; at worst, he was the heroine of a badly written YA novel who is supposed to be seventeen but acts twelve.
Speaking of not living up to her professed potential… When Lauren is trained as a Priestess (which literally takes one quest and the gifting of new abilities by the Head Priestess) she is endowed with three wonderful blessings: primary healing, inner focus, and intelligence. Excuse me, when the FUCK did she ever use the last two?! I've seen selfish arrogance, does that count as inner focus? How about happily riding a TIGER but thinking that the TIMBER WOLF looked more dangerous? Since when does blatant ignorance fall under intelligence? Oh, and that time you totally had a magic shield but instead got ate up by vampire rats? That was fun, huh. You bloody idiot.
From the 60% mark on down, I absolutely loathed Lauren. As mentioned, she's a moron without a lick of common sense or true humility. One minute she freaks out about how inappropriate it would be for her to be left alone with a guy … two seconds of insta-love hell later, she's engaged to him. (Will rant about this in a little bit.) Throughout the entire book, she never completes a whole character arc. It doesn't even seem like she makes it half-way. I mean, in books like this, you expect the MC to start off rough around the edges. Then they grow and learn. In this case, the reader was expecting selfish, arrogant, cruel Lauren to grow softer edges and maybe come to care about her brother in a natural, almost maternal sort of way. I'd have been okay with at least one possessive line about him. I wanted her to come to his defense because that is her little brother, and no one else is allowed to fuck with him.
I got none of that. Instead, she remained pigheaded, arrogant, and selfish throughout the entire novel. While she supposedly develops some real feelings for her brother, it shows very little in their relationship. Instead, she's too damn busy becoming some silly little creature whilst wooing her brother's "toon".
*Deep Breath*
I feel the need to reiterate: Lauren is an idiot. And she is the epitome of anything wrong with a female lead in a book. She is not intelligent. She is petty. Selfish and cruel. Beautiful but with a soul that could be worked into a wrought iron design. And of all the travesties she could ever happen into, she falls into the most severe case of insta-love bullshittery that I've seen in a long time.
Worst of all, she falls in love with a hulking mass of a warrior character that--oh yeah!--her brother created! And you wonder why Zach is all weirded out by you making kissy faces at the character he spent hours honing and shaping into the ultimate badass? Mind you, this is the very same character you claimed to be "scary" in the beginning of the book and who was ignoring you like you were something to be stepped over not TWO pages before. Seriously, their hands touch and they have feelings and that starts the whole damn landslide. Next thing you know, they're smooching--another of Zach's unrealistic descriptions for his age--and professing their undying love. The kind that makes it okay for a recently-turned-sixteen year old girl to agree to marry this hulking, nineteen year old life form who--trope of all tropes--used to be a player, until he met her. Never mind that she can't stay in his world and all… Where's the harm in letting this delusion play itself out? Again: I hate Lauren after 60%.
This sham of a romance is what 100% ruined this book. With such a solid foundation as having two siblings at odds being transported to a whole other world, there was so much promise in having to build up their relationship, after first tearing down the mistrust and dislike of each other. It was a chance to have them evolve to the point where they could help each other, work together, and decide in what ways it was best for them to get home. If the book had left out any stupid romantic inclinations, this would have been a great story for brothers and sisters to read together and learn a valuable lesson. Instead it did … that. *sigh*
Unfortunately, the two leads weren't alone in their utter stupidity and failure at being anyone worth while. We also have Kalika, a drow Maverick who is supposed to be a complete badass. She's not. She hates herself for being weak and pathetic … but not often enough since she is both throughout every part I've seen her in. Then there's Dardanos, the love of Lauren's entire five minute swooning spell. Every time I think of him, I picture the big, hulking guy in the Disney movie "Brave". The one that is all muscles and not much smarter than a rock. Yes, that is literally who I picture every time I read about Dardanos. Not some hot, sexy guy like Lauren sees. He's not intelligent. He's not polite or considerate. Hell, the only time he's tolerant of Zach is when he's trying to make a good impression on Lauren. Idiot. And then there's Kirth, the pixie prince. I actually liked him for probably 80% of the book. But his own arrogance sort-of turned me off to him at the end there.
Hmm. I think I've finally had done with my raging. Other than the predictability of the plot and that ending that made me laugh at Lauren's pain, I don't think there's much else to mention.
Overall:
I didn't like this book. I would not recommend this book to any of my friends, because they all hate the same things that I do. I do suggest anyone reading this to judge it solely on your reading experience, and not mine. (But do what you want.)
The saddest thing is, this could have easily been an okay book. With more work and less Dardanos, this could have been a spectacular book. Ah, the potential… For the first half of this book, it was actually entertaining to read… Then that last 40%… Well, there's no going back and there's my review for you. It just sucks that I couldn't enjoy this more.
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